"it" just moved
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
