But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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