so explain again why im purple
no
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
