We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
