Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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