I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
