I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
