is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
