Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
