THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
