So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize