College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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