East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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