its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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