I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
