My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
