dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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