Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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