If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize