they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
