If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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