I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
