drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize