are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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