Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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