The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Holy shit dude........stairs
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
