Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
