hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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