my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
