did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
