I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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