***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The beers last night were like the tears from god
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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