need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
