Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
