I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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