Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
