they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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