Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
