If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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