Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
