You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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