how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize