Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
