So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
