dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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