Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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