I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize