I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
