i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
