quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize