i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
