i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
