My boss' voice literally gives me gas
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Randomize