Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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