Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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