take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
