Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
