The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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