Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
