I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
