Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
