You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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