You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
