I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
