OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
