so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
