You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
