I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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