Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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