Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
