I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
