i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
