My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
