This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
