She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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