One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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