she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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