I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
