I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
