the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
