It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
