Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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