omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
